You found them!
But, what do you write? What do you say? How do you show interest without sounding like a weirdo? Knowing what to say when you send the first online dating message can seem tough. Not all heroes wear capes, right? You see, the first thing that most people do after they receive a message is not respond. They look at your profile. So, before you even start tackling that first message, you need to make sure that your online dating profile is all squared away.
Not sure what to do?
Yes, there are a ton of different first messages that you can send that will work great, but we want to give you a foolproof formula to get it done right. I love that you like to volunteer with dogs. I have a terrier named Rocket who is my best friend. Have you always had dogs?
Sending the perfect first message in online dating
This is the easy part! All you have to do is say hi. It takes it away from seeming like a business-type and makes it a bit more playful. This is a MUST.
The simple solution of what to say in your first message
One of the most annoying things that turns people off with online dating is when you message them without reading their profile. Take the time to read their profile and make sure they are someone you are interested in. Also, try and stay away from complimenting them physically. This goes for men and women. Let them know you care more than just about how they look. Follow this up with something about you that is interesting. I see that you like dogs.
5 online dating message tips: examples of what to say
Try your best to find some commonalities between you two and use that to your advantage. Remember, this is not the time to brag because you will come across pretty terribly.
Just tell them something interesting that relates to what you saw that you liked about them. This part is a lot more important than it might seem. This is why we like to ask questions that are open-ended and easy to respond to. Open-ended means that the answer is not easily a one-word answer. Yes, in our first example you could technically answer yes or no to whether you had dogs forever, but most people are going to give you a lot more than that. You: Hey! This is why you want to avoid questions like this.
What are your thoughts on kill shelters for dogs? While you may or may not care about the answer to this question, this is way too heavy of a topic to lead off with. Keep things light, and there will always be time to talk about deeper topics like this later…much later.
Keep it simple and let the conversation happen. We led off talking about what you should do in your first message to a potential date, but now we need to cover something more important — what NOT to do or say in your first message in online dating.
Before we go any further
Doing any of these things is most certainly going to get your message deleted with no response even from someone who may have been into you had you done things the right way. But, anything other than that is going to make you seem desperate or creepy. Keep the compliments to a minimum; there will be plenty of time for that later. The goal here is to get a conversation started and while you think compliments are going to help, you are incorrect.
You want to keep things light at the beginning of a conversation or potential relationship. There is no value in dropping anything deep or getting into touchy subjects right off the bat. Some of you may think it makes you look deep, cultured, or worldly, but again, you are incorrect. Even if they put something deep in their profile, save it for later in the conversation.
Stick to things that you would feel comfortable talking to a stranger about in public. Also, it might make the other person feel like they have to respond with just as long of a message which they may not have the time to do. What will they do instead?
The first sentence
Stick to the formula we gave you for the perfect first message, or at least keep it under a couple sentences if you choose to go it alone. But, sending this in the first message is ridiculous and really should count as sexual harassment if you ask us. If you walked up and just showed your junk to someone in public, you would be arrested. It would be nice if it were the same on the internet. Written By: Jason Lee. Jason Lee is a data analyst with a passion for studying online dating, relationships, personal growth, healthcare, and finance.
InJason earned a Bachelors of Science from the University of Florida, where he studied business and finance and taught interpersonal communication. As a business owner, relationship strategist, dating coach, and officer in the U. Written By: Jason Lee Jason Lee is a data analyst with a passion for studying online dating, relationships, personal growth, healthcare, and finance.